"You could come and save me and try to chase the crazy right out of my head..."-Jason Walker, 'Echo'.
I know I'm not crazy. I mean, not in the clinical sense- more eccentric, I think, than anything.
But the point of this is not that I think crazy, or that anyone is crazy, or about crazy at all. It's that I think this song in particular speaks volumes to me in the sense that it seems to perfectly describe how I feel on a daily basis.
I'm depressed. It's a big deal, although to most people I think it's seen as a cop out of some kind. I was once told to simply 'get over it' when I feel sad, and the only thing I could do was stare at the person saying it.
In my opinion, people treat depression like nothing at all, because it isn't a visible disease. If I were sad and my skin were falling off as a direct result, people would see it a bit differently. But instead they see it only as a sadness, like someone ran over your childhood pet, and given the proper amount of time (whatever that is), you'll just be fine.
No. I will never 'be fine' without hours of therapy or bottles of drugs, all of which can only be acquired for as long as I can pay for them. It is fortunate, of course, as so many things cannot be helped even with drugs and therapy, no matter how many hours are put into it.
There are some days I think I'll never be okay. When I break up with someone I thought I really loved after I swore I never could again, or when I realize how very much my moods are likely the reason I feel so left out all the time. This depression ruins everything, and as I've been on the receiving end of that misery I understand how much it can ruin things.
It creates this void of hopelessness, where you think you're too fat and too sad and too boring for anyone to love. Where someone tearing apart the shreds of your character is enough to have you questioning every single moment that follows. This void can eat you alive, and so many days I feel like I'm being slowly devoured. Like today, and even as I'm sleeping on a friends couch and knowing there's one person nearby who understands, I'm acutely aware that there are so many around me who don't and maybe never will.
Again, I'll go back to Jason Walker, because I think he said it best to describe how I feel.
"I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs. Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right, but it's never enough.."
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Regular: A Silly Word for the Coffee Shop
The word 'regular' is perhaps the most ridiculous word, aside from 'normal', which essentially means the same thing. It isn't a word that should be used lightly, but if I had a nickel for every time I heard that word in day I'd likely be rich enough to buy a car.
Examples: "Can I have a regular coffee?"
"I'm sorry, sir. By regular, are you referring to size or flavor? And what, pray tell, do you consider 'regular'? Are you from a place where black coffee is considered 'regular'? Or did you grow up in a family where it was 'regular' to put cream in your coffee? Maybe 'regular' is to have a cup of coffee that was brewed from a stale can of Folgers. Point is, you really have to be a bit more specific if you hope to get exactly what it is you're looking for without my asking a series of questions to narrow it down."
"Regular size."
"Again, sir, I'm sorry. But are you really so lazy that you can't LOOK AT THE MENU to find the size options? Or just...oh, guess. Take a stab, and say 'medium'. If you look in the dictionary I can guarantee you that the definition of 'regular' is NOT medium, although you seem to think as much. And if the coffee shop vernacular is too outrageous a concept to grasp, just use the same terminology you'd use in pretty much EVERY place you go. Repeat after me: 'I'd like a medium coffee. Black.'. Because 'black' in coffee language means 'nothing in it', and I can promise you that we'll understand that more than we'll understand 'regular' coffee.
I realize this entire post essentially became a great big bitch-fest toward those who patronize coffee shops, but honestly- how could it not? This is the setting in which I experience the most use of the word 'regular', and the least use of the resources available (specifically menus). Patrons more often than not will walk up to the counter and order a 'regular' coffee, or ask, 'do you have just a regular size coffee'?
I have half a mind to open a coffee shop of my own some day and just have a 'regular' size. Just one size, and list it as 'regular', to see how many people actually use the word. Chances are they'll come up with another term, avoiding the menu entirely to step up and order 'An average' or 'Something between a small and a large'.
People are irrational in most situations, but sometimes I wonder just what makes them so much more so in the retail world. That, of course, is a study for another day.
Examples: "Can I have a regular coffee?"
"I'm sorry, sir. By regular, are you referring to size or flavor? And what, pray tell, do you consider 'regular'? Are you from a place where black coffee is considered 'regular'? Or did you grow up in a family where it was 'regular' to put cream in your coffee? Maybe 'regular' is to have a cup of coffee that was brewed from a stale can of Folgers. Point is, you really have to be a bit more specific if you hope to get exactly what it is you're looking for without my asking a series of questions to narrow it down."
"Regular size."
"Again, sir, I'm sorry. But are you really so lazy that you can't LOOK AT THE MENU to find the size options? Or just...oh, guess. Take a stab, and say 'medium'. If you look in the dictionary I can guarantee you that the definition of 'regular' is NOT medium, although you seem to think as much. And if the coffee shop vernacular is too outrageous a concept to grasp, just use the same terminology you'd use in pretty much EVERY place you go. Repeat after me: 'I'd like a medium coffee. Black.'. Because 'black' in coffee language means 'nothing in it', and I can promise you that we'll understand that more than we'll understand 'regular' coffee.
I realize this entire post essentially became a great big bitch-fest toward those who patronize coffee shops, but honestly- how could it not? This is the setting in which I experience the most use of the word 'regular', and the least use of the resources available (specifically menus). Patrons more often than not will walk up to the counter and order a 'regular' coffee, or ask, 'do you have just a regular size coffee'?
I have half a mind to open a coffee shop of my own some day and just have a 'regular' size. Just one size, and list it as 'regular', to see how many people actually use the word. Chances are they'll come up with another term, avoiding the menu entirely to step up and order 'An average' or 'Something between a small and a large'.
People are irrational in most situations, but sometimes I wonder just what makes them so much more so in the retail world. That, of course, is a study for another day.
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