~~~
I Might As Well Be A Maple Tree
“Man. I'm so sappy, I might as well
be a maple tree.” Kimberly tossed back another shot and sighed,
leaning on one elbow to gaze at the stern visage of Maggie Smith as
she scolded the trio of young students who stood in the Hogwarts
corridor. “I've got such a lady crush on her, I can just imagine
the white picket fence and moving pictures of us at the Cape on our
mantlepiece.”
“Who has a mantlepiece these days?”
Juniper chuckled and gave McGonagall a sideways glance before she
took a swig of her IPA, squinting slightly at the television screen.
“I think she's got another wrinkle since the last movie. Maybe
two.”
“Shut up. She's a handsome woman-
maybe Maggie Smith is kind of like her. At least, enough.”
“You might as well go for Betty
White. At least she's on the right continent.” Another swig
revealed that the IPA was tapped out, and Juniper reached for the
last of her stash, a half-empty bottle of rich, amber scotch. They'd
chosen to watch Harry Potter for what she imagined was the thousandth
time at least, and the usual argument over whether Kimberly could
land a woman like Minerva McGonagall was reaching it's predictable
end. As Snape came on screen she cracked open the cap and threw back
her head as the liquid burned her throat comfortably, and she could
bring herself to look at the greasy haired Professor on screen. “God,
he's homely.”
“Even Snape needs someone to love,
June. Come on, don't tell me you wouldn't want to know what kind of
core his wand had. Maybe you
could be the one who twists it just right- you know, just the right
turn of the wrist to cast the spell?”
“Your
innuendos could use some work.”
“I
promise, I won't quit my day job. Honest.” Outside, as the movie
droned on, the snow fell in drifts so deep that they themselves
seemed magical. Wiping away the world with it's whiteness, snow was
in no short supply those days, and the residents of the city found
themselves making do as best they could. Harry Potter marathons ruled
over Facebook invites, yoga challenges ran rampant on timelines and
promises of New Years diets gave way to declarations that someone,
somewhere would make it to the store for that one box of Oreos before
the snow got too deep.
Their
two cars were long ago buried, antennae peering out of snowbanks like
desperate periscopes trying to see in the vast nothingness. She'd
given up hope long ago that there would be a stop to the horrible
weather, or that the temperature would at least pick up enough for
her to go downstairs and get her laundry from the subzero laundry
room. It was there that she imagined hanging up fat, butchered pigs
to hold over throughout the winter months, although she lacked the
desire and stomach to butcher anything, let alone fold her delicates
among the carcasses of Wilbur and Babe.
“What's
up? You just missed the best scene. Ron and Harry finally gave in to
their feelings and had a rough tumble in the Owlery.”
“Shut
up. I've seen this movie a million times, and there's no rough
tumbling. Don't try to get me excited for nothing.” But just in the
off chance she picked up the DVD case when Kim wasn't looking and
inspected it for any discrepancies- like the chance that her bestie
had sidetracked to the adult video section and picked up “Harry
Peter and Her Chamber of Secrets” instead. But the DVD was more
innocent than either of them, and appeared to have been legitimately
rented from the brightly lit front section of Blockbuster Video.
“Well
if you're not going to pay attention, that's what I'm going to be
doing all night.”
“What?
Thinking of the many ways you think Harry and Ron are going to
successfully flick their wands? Really, aren't we a little beyond
that?”
“Not
me, no. I'm definitely not beyond taking McGonagall against the
giant, sexy bookshelves in Dumbledore's office.”
“I
think Dumbledore might have some problem with that- I'm pretty sure
he's always playing footsies with her under the table at breakfast. I
mean, don't you see the way the tablecloth moves?”
“No,
but I definitely see the way Ron's chest heaves whenever he and Harry
fight. You can't tell me that a skinny little guy like that gets all
worked up over someone if he doesn't desperately want to jump their
bones.”
~~~
That was a page, so I stopped. But this one might at least get finished. It won't be long, or anything, but it kind of went where it did. :)
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